Dear Cupid, 

I am dating a guy who tends to “accidentally” manipulate and pressure me sometimes. It leaves me wondering if the relationship is worth it. I get more confused when he gets me gifts and apologizes. One of my close guy friends has told me he almost asked me out and I honestly wish he had; I just know he would treat me better. He just makes me so happy and really knows me. He feels like home to me, but I am so scared of breaking my boyfriend’s heart. What do you think I should do? I feel so helpless,

- Hopeless in Harley Hall.

Hopeless,

I think the relationship you’re in may not be the best for you. Your use of quotes around “accidental” makes it seem as though you know your boyfriend is purposely manipulating you or is at least making no effort to change those behaviors. Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? Has it gotten any better?

Your tone leads me to believe it hasn’t, and you should never feel pressured in your relationship. I’m also getting that your partner’s only attempts to make things better are words and gifts. Actions speak far louder than any physical item or empty promise. 

Breaking up can be hard to do, but it sounds to me like you’ve already made up your mind about what you want. Consider what your heart is saying, but also listen to your head. If your relationship is holding you back or — especially making you uncomfortable, you are strong enough to leave. 

I don’t know if this is a long-term relationship, but, if it is, I know the unknown can be scary. I promise you that an emotionally safer situation is always worth it. You don’t have to let your history with someone trap you in an unpleasant pleasant situation. If you are havng trouble deciding whether or not this relationship is healthy, reach out to the PAGE Center for the resources there.

The prospect of a new relationship can be exciting around Valentine’s Day. Just be cautious about moving into another relationship right away; make sure you give yourself the proper breathing and processing time after leaving a relationship with an imbalance power dynamic. 

You deserve the time to focus on your own wants and needs. Take time to turn inwards and give yourself the care that you would give a partner this Valentine’s Day.

Xoxo,

CUB 250 Cupid

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Dear Cupid,

I am 20 and I have never been in a relationship. Guys always tell me I’m pretty and want to hook up with me, but never ask me on dates or get to know me. I really want a boyfriend, but all my friends say it’s overrated and I should enjoy being single. I feel like I’m missing out. Is there something wrong with me?

- Reisner Romantic.

Romantic, 

I hate to tell you what you’ve probably already heard before, but I can assure you most of it has grains of truth to it. 

First and foremost, there is nothing wrong with you just because you don’t have a boyfriend. People date earlier and earlier these days, and frankly, the inevitable toxicity of dating as a teen isn’t worth it. Your friends’ opinions have merit, but so do yours. After all, the grass is always greener on the other side. I understand the frustration though; you’re 20 and I imagine your younger self would have envisioned you with a boyfriend by now. 

Also, there’s a chance you’re looking for love in the wrong places. Dating apps and parties are a great way to meet random people and test your luck, but when the dating pool becomes a game of chance, there’s little grounds for actual, meaningful connection. Sure, some people win, but they have to. That’s what keeps this way of playing the game attractive. Where are the guys around you that share your interests? Go somewhere where you’d envision meeting your dream man, maybe he’ll be there.

I encourage you to question why you are feeling that absence right now. Do you crave physical intimacy? Envy the emotional connection? Do you just want someone to take you out to dinner and pay, give you a kiss on the cheek and walk you home? Is it just the dull cynicism of Valentine’s Day? 

Turn your negative emotions into reasons for personal growth. If you’re looking for someone to love, you can always look in the mirror. Create the purpose in your life that you wish someone else would forge in it. Buy yourself tickets to a movie you really want to see, take yourself on a shopping trip, or even just add five minutes to your shower or skincare routine. Sometimes it can be hard to see the value in your own life without someone there to witness it with you, but I promise that at the end of the day, you are the one who always has to love yourself the most. Never ever lose sight of that.

Lots of love,

CUB 250 Cupid

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