Malcolm Miller was a beloved producer, singer and songwriter that died in 2018 at the hands of a drug overdose; something he alludes to many times throughout his discography. Perhaps none as much as his new posthumous album, “Balloonerism,” an unreleased project he produced four years before his tragic death.

While most view posthumous albums as money-hungry cash grabs, Miller’s recent release, “Circles,” was received by the public as genuine and authentic, led by his family who made the choice to share his unfinished work with his fans.

“Balloonerism” explores Miller’s mental health and his relationship to worldly things like drugs, sex and the pursuit of fame. He is aware of the negative effects, yet he struggles to efficiently drop his inner demons to stay true to himself and keep from relapsing, still acknowledging the strain on his relationships his lifestyle creates.

He is the clearest vision of what it’s like to be a player in the music game and a spitting image of what our generation considers to be an “artist.” We want our art to feel real, genuine, authentic, and straight from the heart of the artists that pour themselves into their work, this being his music and lyrics.

It’s important to note that he isn’t in the same headspace as his two most recent albums, “Circles” and “Swimming.” One thing about Miller as an artist is that in his short span of life, he’s gone through grand changes in musical taste and style after his recording sessions in 2014 for “Balloonerism.”

The recording sessions recovered were during an extremely transitional phase of his life. After establishing himself as a household name and gaining his first taste of fame, he loses self-control, something he’s extremely open and honest with his fans about. We can see that Miller was still true to his character and fans throughout his lifetime before his big breaks in future albums.

The first track on the album is an instrumental tambourine solo, which isn’t abnormal as avid listeners know that Miller often incorporates live instruments in his music consistently.

His second track, “DJ’s Chord Organ,” was recorded on a chord organ that Miller received from Daniel Johnston after donating and becoming an executive producer of Johnston’s biographical film. Before SZA was featured, it was titled “The Song that Changed Everything.”

Other than the title change, SZA said on Instagram: “This track is left exactly how it was recorded all those years ago. No editing, no tune, no nothing. It didn’t seem right to change it. I can still feel the raw hangout it was born from.”

The next tracks dive straight into the serious themes that the rest of the songs will spend uncomfortable amounts of time questioning himself and his choices by talking himself out of his addiction cycles through his lyrics.

His hauntingly coincidental lyrics in his third track titled “Do You Have a Destination?” read, “Okay, I went to sleep faded, but woke up invisible / Rich as fuck and miserable.” I interpreted these lyrics as him still being unhappy despite success and being close to overdosing in his sleep and turning into a ghost, which is how he passed years later.

The next track, “5 Dollar Pony Rides,” is the lead single for the album. In this song Miller reflects on an emotionally complex and distant relationship, one built from fleeting pleasures and quick fixes that Miller compares to a five-dollar pony ride.

Miller asks repeatedly during the chorus’ hook, “Let me give you what you want / And maybe later, what you need.” He’s offering immediate attention, money or pleasure, but he also wants to show her eventual meaningful emotional connection or healing that could come later, what she truly needs.

It shows his desire to help and validate emotional needs that go beyond temporary fixes. So, while he is trying to cater to the girl’s desires, he recognizes that there’s a difference between surface-level wants and deeper needs within himself and all the women he interacts with.

His association with addiction and women in his songs shine through the track “Friendly Hallucinations,” which show how drug abuse affects his perception between reality and imagination. The line, “Baby, don’t let them tell you what’s real and what’s not,” may be the drugs finally speaking to the girl in the song, telling her not to listen to the people trying to help and just continue her reliance on the drugs, despite her clearly declining mental state.

The rest of the album dove into personal memories of broken relationships due to his binging, and even though he was quite open about his drug usage, he wouldn’t address it as a blatant problem until later albums.

"Balloonerism” is more than a musical representation of Miller’s struggle with addiction. It shows his unwillingness to conform to conventional or commercial musical standards during the rise of fame and his willingness to be vulnerable with his fans as a young artist, especially during his producer’s metamorphosis phase.

While it’s a dark album at face value, the hopes for a positive confidence for a change in behavior leave a feeling of anticipation for some form of major life readjustment. To the fame of music and his struggles to juggle hard drugs, a string of empty interactions with women and increasingly strained bonds with his closest relationships due to all of these.

While we know Miller’s end to the story, I can’t help but feel like Miller had faith in himself to drop the habits eventually; imagining himself old and happy with his friends and family, reminiscing on all the crazy times of his younger life.

“Balloonerism” is a musical representation of Miller’s psyche in between not only growing or maturing from a teenager to an adult but how the music fame and the worldly troubles it comes with affected what he considers most important, his human relationships.

Overall, if you’re just trying to listen to a few new good songs, I would recommend “Funny Papers” and “Stoned,” which feel kind of ahead of their time. “Funny Papers” is one of his more lyrically moving songs that shows his want to rip away from the frat-bro-rapper persona he had at the time.

“Stoned” is the halfway point in the album and seemingly the only positive relationship Miller has with women and drugs in the album. It’s musically appealing with a hook that adds some needed optimism about his life.

Share